It seems that I have been opened up and that the stars are flying through my wants and wishes with ease.
This frightens my old senses because I do not know what comes after. What happens at the end of the rainbow? I imagine it touches the horizon and wants to start over, just for sake of movement.
I feel I am on the brink of getting everything I’ve ever wanted to grasp, to hold, to understand, to love .But what defines Getting? Do I then own it? And with it comes immense responsibility. Over the edge and through the woods, while my little boat sways out at sea.
I dreamt that I died last night. Or I saw it. Then woke up.
I dreamt that I was in a immense dark sea , all alone. I could feel my small body lapping at the surface of the cold waves, and knew my fragile legs were bait to the unknown vultures under them, maybe for fathoms and miles below. I could sense them swimming up, hungrily, deservedly, to overpower my tiny life. I wanted to fight, to cry out in unfairness, but then what is fair? Is my life worth more than theirs? More than the shooting stars over the water, more special than the movement of the currents?
I was swept in a suction and the water grew warmer, I felt the cold depth disappear under me, although I still could not touch solid earth. I felt calm life around me, other living beings, all of us being washed out so it seemed, toward the same destination. I wasn’t afraid.