/These days I seem to think a lot

about the things that I forgot to do/   -Nico

Walking to the cafe  in the flat lightness of being awake,
Ryker sniffs street posts and the So-Cal flora

     I assess the currents state of outward appearance with optimistic subjection.

Braless, old sweatshirt fraying at the wrists

Sweatpants with the romantic hint of wear and tear and maybe blood if we look close enough (please no)

big dark cheap sunnies covering the crust of sleep and pillow lines,

a bun pulled back at the unfashionable level of mid-range head

The watery suggestion of a coffee melts the swirls of identity off of my fingertips as I navigate the 1/2 mile of litter and homelessness back to the lilac aroma outside of my blue house on the hill

My neighbour- the older one that we all have that keeps to himself most of the time and then sputters to life at the most inopportune moments- comes from around the corner carrying a crate of plastic water, piles of mail and papers and a box of cheap beer

My dog is startled and hackles raise and I am feigning a thin veil of interest in the random story he begins in the middle as if we have continued a conversation from the last time he barged through my introvert tapestry.

My dog wants to smell his pants and his low growl is the soundtrack of this rushed dialogue. “Alrightcoolmancatchyalater”

When did the urgency to write one good one come about?

Age? That’s the easy answer.

“One song/one story”

The phone steals my blue light each night

replaces it with it’s own

/”Where do you go to my lovely

When you’re alone in your bed?”/

Maybe if I stop eating cheese dip and stale corn chips I will be “productive’

But then the internet comes back around to say hey have you seen this yet?! /”Bag it. Tag it. Sell it to the butcher in the store”/

and so,

I will go outside and I will write what I feel and what I want to write not what will make me published as a writer. There are enough insta- models and enough hustlers and enough motivators. I’m just a girl, standing in front of her life, asking it to stay woke.

Happy July y’all